Category: relationships

Unequally Yolked

(Yes I’m aware of the correct spelling of Yoked but obvi there’s a theme here)

I ended a relationship recently because we were not working together to get the task done but rather working at odds with each other. We did not have the same beliefs, values, or even morals, we were working against each other instead of together.

He thought things were perfect because they were working in his favor all while I was a miserable mess because whenever I expressed my feelings they were dismissed or either comforted with apologies or promises that were never going to happen.

Sometimes in relationships you try to hold onto what you have to avoid conflict.

But when resentment comes into play it makes it hard to look at a person and love them like you once did.

I found myself in this situation when I allowed the person I was in a relationship take charge of the skillet which lead me into a scrambled mess ultimately making me choose between myself or the relationship and at the end I chose me.

I wanted this person to do better for himself, to love me unconditionally, to respect me but instead once again he fed me Lies, deceit, disrespect and the list goes on.

I am not sure why I felt guilt for letting him go when I know I deserve better.

If you listen to his side I will look like the villain but the reality is I was a victim. A victim of a narcissistic omelet who refused therapy so he spurt all his anger onto me and it wasn’t physical it was emotional, he was controlling me mentally and emotionally.

The moment I let him go I experienced victory and blessings true wins. God would not let me be great unless I let him go.

I tried to be his motivation and inspiration. However, he had his own agenda so anything I said went into one ear and out the other.

He made continuous excuses of his behavior. I’m so glad this time that it wasn’t years later that I build up the courage to step away. 6 months was enough time for me to recognize that we were just not equally yolked and it was time for me to take care of me.

You know what I always say

Y.O.L.K.

You Only Live Knowingly

Measurement of Love

I have been in the process of mending my relationship with my father for my own personal healing purposes..

My father and I recently started speaking again after not speaking for more than 4 years. With that relationship I have a step mom that I have not spoken to in 6 years all of this was due to a misunderstanding (in which I was not even present for, story time for another day) I plan on reaching out to her bc I want to close the chapter of negativity so I can keep being positive and form happy and healthy relationships.

Whenever my father and I disagree on anything he uses measurements of his love which I don’t look at in a positive way. For example he might say “I did this for you or we did that for your kids”and it either ends or begins with that’s how I should know he/they loved me. But it’s not how anyone should. Right? Or is it?

So imagine that and then being in relationships with anyone who says ” you haven’t done nothing for me or I have done this for you” in which you really have done something in fact quite a lot but it wasn’t enough for their measurement of love..

My love is different that I have to offer. I don’t believe that giving someone something is a measurement of love but instead an Act of Love. I don’t know if this is normal in other peoples lives but it’s not in mine.Love is not measurable in words. Love cannot be partial; it cannot have owners. Love is essentially beyond definition or concept.”

The true measure of love is when we believe that we alone can love, that no one could ever have loved so before us, and that no one will ever love in the same way after us.”

So for me if I sense that is something that anyone I meet uses measurements to define love I run, I shut down, I become disinterested and disengaged as I view it as a Toxic behavior and it shows me that you are poor at communicating.

It also made me realize that when I accepted these types of behaviors in relationships it was because I didn’t know any better because it is what had been taught to me. And you know what they say “Women are attracted to Men like their Fathers”.

As I’ve gotten older I have become very sensitive to energy and behavior that is good or bad for me and my peace of mind.

I just wanted to write this to say don’t let anyone do this to you if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

As I always say

Y.O.L.K.

You only love knowingly